Yep…Coke is evil so they tell us…directly responsible for the decline in Western civilization, the death of Elvis and the cancellation of Firefly…

Proponents of the nanny state would have us believe that it is Coke’s corporate responsibility to save lazy stupid people from themselves, like the dope that OD’d on Coke in Southland, or the dummies that think they have to buy Coke because it is cheaper than milk – good thing the price of petrol keeps going up otherwise they’d be using that same rationale to feed petrol to their kids…

It was refreshing to see Healthy Food Guide questioning some of the so-called initiatives (I suppose you can’t really go round calling them ‘stupids’ and hoping that they will ‘take’) that the nanny statists think Coke should implement:

Take out all sugar-sweetened drinks from dairies near schools. Even better, take out everything except water.

Yep…that’ll work – while most kids are happy to drink out of dodgy puddles because they can, you can lead them to the Pump bottle but you cannot make them drink – and in any case, are these losers saying that, in the bigger picture, water is an environmentally better option? Sure, Spoilt Rotten from Remuera isn’t going to let little Tristan or Flower drink from a public fountain…? the only health benefit of this is that kids will walk a lot further to the closest place that sells what they want. Oh, and who will be compensating the owners of dairies close to schools…?

Expand the successful Sprite initiative in McDonalds by replacing all sugary Coke, Fanta and fruit drinks with zero-kJ versions. For the past five years or so, all Sprite sold in McDonald’s has been Sprite Zero – why not go all the way and make it all drinks? (Although we note that zero-calorie drinks which still taste sweet bring their own set of problems.)

Yep, and as someone else also said on the HFG forum, why should I be penalised when I treat myself to a rare Maccas to have to have chemical lolly water instead of the real deal? And I have been so good this year and have only been to the major food groups twice ALL year…Why should McDs pass up commercial opportunity because nanny statists are too busy to take their kids (assuming, of course, that they actually have been allowed to breed) for regular walks and exercise? Will the nanny statists be raising tax to compensate them as well…?

Stop selling larger ‘single-serve’ bottles of Coke and other drinks. A 600ml bottle is likely to be treated as one serving, no matter how many the label says it serves.

Why? What happens when I want to stock up for a big night in round the barby with mates? Will we be having our rum and cokes out of shot glasses, feeling guilty the whole time because all these midget drink containers are wasting so much more of poor old Mother Earth’s diminishing resources? I could also have a crack at the closure of neighbourhood off-licenses which make it harder to score opportunity RTDs but I think restricting booze sales is probably a good thing…

Or reduce the size of all single-serve drinks – including sports drinks, fruit drinks and iced teas – to 250ml.

Yep…that’ll fly on a hot day…at least you’ll still be able to get a normal size and so healthy milk shake instead – or will be nanny statists be killing of the traditional giraffe cup as well…?

Expand Coke’s stated policy of not marketing to kids under 12, to kids under 18 years.

Yeah, the kids will really listen…those poor little sods whose parents refuse to acknowledge the existence of the major food groups until they are adults, will just getting more thumpings for killing Coke as well – no wonder so many of them become maladjusted serial killers…

So what practical rules should we put in place…?

Well, how about we bring back the walking bus and make parental participation compulsory? Those kids without parents can be allocated one from the benefit pool (and some of them could use the exercise too).

Let’s ban SUVs from going anywhere closer than a mile (like a kilometre but bigger) to schools and kindies – maybe two miles for flat areas to ensure equivalent exercise value (EEV – just made that up but feel free to use it). Tristan or Flower will have to work out how to use those things that dangle beneath their bodies to go the last leg (hint: those things that dangle beneath their bodies).

We could also make it mandatory for all parents that inflict fifteen sports activities on their kids every weekend to actually participate in those activities (beyond sitting on the sidelines, sucking on a latte and abusing the ref) – that we might call leading by example and good parenting and, if mumsy and dadsy are getting involve in exercise and sport, kids might be a little more motivated as well…

Don’t ban your kids from technology like iThings – they will just kill you as you sleep and buy one with your inheritance – but making so rules about using them is a good idea as is being a  bit more creative in their use e.g. get kids into geocaching – cans of Coke (decent size ones) might make good prizes…

What should Coke do? What it does best…and stay out of nanny state-led social engineering…it could also give some serious consideration to introducing bulk root beer to the New Zealand domestic market…(just a little personal hobby horse)

So again, good on HFG for introducing some common sense into the debate…not like that Shrieking Harpy nanny statist they had on Breakfast a couple of weeks back – although she was probably the best thing ever for Coke as she made the whole anti-Coke community look like a bunch of screaming looney tunes…

Coke is Evil and obesity is all someone else’s fault

Also noted doing the Facebook rounds this morning is some more anti-Coke propaganda…while I am not Coke’s biggest supporter, I hate these malicious tales distributed as truth…if you’ve seen the one that includes this claim “…the distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!…” then read Snopes on Coke acid; or the one about eight glasses of water a day, read Snopes on eight glasses of water.And if you are considering posting any of these ‘amazing secrets’ do us all a favour and google Snopes first…!